It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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