Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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