If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
