...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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