We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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