Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I want to be your penis for a week.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
did you just send me my own nude
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Two words: nipple clamps
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