Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we're making bets on your personal life
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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