So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
