Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish I only lived at night.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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