sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
