If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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