Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
