apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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