okay pat passed out under dana's car
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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