I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
