I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
