you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
