Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize