I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
