my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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