matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
