so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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