At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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