What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
