Ambien. No doubt about it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
