I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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