It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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