i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
