I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
