Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
