just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
