that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
