You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize