That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize