i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
