he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
