You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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