Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize