Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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