I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
