is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
