420 ftw
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
