If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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