The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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