I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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