nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
