I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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