well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
