My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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