I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
