his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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