Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
