he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
