He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
