Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize