Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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