u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
