im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're too hungover to prance.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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