i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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