My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
