Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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