I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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