omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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