Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
