Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
