are you so shy because you have an std?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
