he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
