she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
