I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
