Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
