sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
