I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
