i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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