i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
