I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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