i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
