We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
