Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
