he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
