I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
