Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We left the knife in your bed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
