His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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