He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
