I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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