I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
