but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
