bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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