nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize