Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
PANTIES FOUND
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