So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
zippers are such a cool invention
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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