I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
