hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
