mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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