Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
