You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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