I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
