And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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