I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
