and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
