i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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