He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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