My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
