I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize