fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
