How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
