Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
