I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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